well, here goes...
to be honest, it's something i've thought about for a long time. the idea is that most bloggers don't share the ugly, nitty gritty side of things, but rather focus on the more lovely side of life. and, why not? the sole purpose of many blogs is to inspire! however, the issue that arises is that sometimes posting such constant and beautiful content may leave the reader feeling defeated, rather than inspired. is that ever true for you? i know it is for me.
many times i'll get comments about people being jealous or envious over something i've written about. i know that it's really a nice thing to say, but it's just never settled well with me. it makes me feel almost guilty that something i post would make someone feel envious, because the feeling i hope to invoke is inspiration, not jealousy. i've even toyed with the idea of doing a point and shoot post dedicated to the ugly side of things. :)
the point is, i do live a beautiful life. but, it's because i choose to see the beauty in the little things, and not focus on the not-so-pretty stuff. i believe anyone can do that! i choose to be inspired by the weather, the flowers, the birds and the bees. but if i were to focus on the less than beautiful stuff i would share with you my laundry, the dog hair underneath my sofa, my toenails that need to be painted and the piles of dirt that always seem to appear on my windows.
we don't have much money. in fact, we struggle constantly just to pay the bills. that's why i have to be inspired by the less expensive things in life. our heater usually doesn't work and most days i have to heap on clothing just to keep warm. toaster is smelly and i swear needs a bath more frequently than any other dog i've met.
now that that's out of the way, here's what i'm really afraid to tell you:
- i'm overwhelmed. sometimes i feel like i just can't keep up. everytime i browse the web i see bigger and better blogs and artists doing bigger and better things. sometimes i just have to shut it all off and focus on one task at a time, but i still lose sleep over it.
- sometimes i wonder if you read what i write. if it matters and if it's interesting. or even if you like me or want to genuinely invest in me as the person behind going home to roost.
- i'm confused on my next step. i'm trying to get a new business going and don't know what to do next. i feel like i'm staring at a blank piece of paper and can't put my pencil to it and start drawing. sigh.
- i miss my family. deeply.
- i worry if i ever offend you. i go back and forth on whether or not to share my more personal feelings, especially when it comes to my belief in and love for Jesus Christ.
- i don't have the best grammer, and i don't really care.
- sometimes i debate on the direction for going home to roost. what's the perfect mix of personal, helpful information, handmade goods and freebies? i get weary of posting about products, because i think we already live in a 'more more more' world. i want to help fill you up from the inside out, without the need for material possessions.
- and, i love you. sometimes i don't know if i tell you enough or if it comes across to you as deeply as it is felt within me. i don't know most of you, but i feel connected to you in a beautiful way. you are what makes this possible and i love writing to you every day. in fact, i'd like to hear from you much more often.
whew! that felt so good, i may have to make it a regular column. it was also hard to write. i don't want to come off as ungrateful, because i am quite the opposite. i am incredibly blessed by you and honored that you would visit my world.
love and light to each of you! xoxo, bonnie
need to get a few things off your chest? we would all love for you to participate! visit this post to see everyone who has participated thus far and be sure to share your story with us here in the comments sections. i would truly love to read it.
**update! since writing this, i've posted a little appreciation post. i am so thankful for all your sweet comments!**